Kubb UK 2009 Tournament

If you'd asked me on the morning of the annual Kubb tournament what I thought the majority of emails and discussions I'd be having a few days later would be about, never in a million years would I have answered anything about checking dates for the World Cup 2010. And yet that's what happenned, me carefully scouring the FIFA website to ensure that the next time our finest Kubb fanatics get together, we don't clash with a potential England football match.

Let me put this into context : word on the street had it that Saturday was going to be a washout and I was receiving notification of players declining my kind offer to spend an afternoon gadding about in a sodden pub garden. Therefore I duly arrived at the venue fully expecting it to be the last tournament I'd be organising. 5 hours later and I had been very much corrected by the opinions of some 70 players, all saying that if I was prepared to organise it, the least they could do was come and play. To mangle a comparison with the First World War soldiers who played football during a Christmas Day ceasefire, these Kubb players wouldn't have waited until Christmas Day, they'd have been throwing batons even during the height of battle !

Fortunately on the day, the weather was ok. We had periods when rain stopped play for a few minutes but we also had warm spells and great sunshine. Unfortunately a slight puff of wind all but destroyed the flimsy KubbUK gazebo, leading me to think that next year I must invest in something more robust. Like a campervan. But we had 20 teams, undaunted by the weather and desperately competitive, blissfully unaware of just how shoddy a set of trophies I'd managed to conjure up. Impressively, and perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, there was no need for a demonstration game after my welcome speech and fatuous jokes at the expense of old friends. People just wanted to get on and play on a set of pitches that had been so haphazardly measured out that one of them was closer to a square than a rectangle.

There were some great matches, often between members of the same family. I know of at least 3 children who have had their pocket money stopped and a few husbands who have been advised to avail themselves of the spare bed. The standard was such that a couple of games went on for over an hour, leaving all participants drained but still fit enough to find their way to the bar of the New Inn. Perhaps this is now the appropriate time to mention our new venue. When I was first organising a tournament in 2007, I had checked out the New Inn and their garden. But I dismissed it as far too large and I was unwilling to choose a location in which we did anything less than dominate the space available. But here we are, 2 years later, and we'd filled a great proportion of it, much to the chagrin of some of the locals' children.

Games continued apace until eventually we whittled the competition down to 3 teams and had to settle on a quick means of deciding the best two for a final. This was done by a 'toss-off' in which each team had 10 batons to knock over as many Kubbs as possible. The first team up was Andy Loakes and his winning team from 2007. They scored 2. Next were 'The Londoners', who managed 3. Finally Richard Collis [winner from 2008] and son Duncan managed 2. Time for 'sudden death' with Andy & Richard's teams throwing alternately until one could gain a lead, that team being Andy and friends.

The final was, to put this kindly, brief. I can't be positive but I don't think Andy's team hit a single Kubb. They probably wanted to chuck a couple into the hedge afterwards but would have likely missed that also. Team 'Londoners'  Joe and Rich, won easily and were possibly bemused by the dismally engraved KubbUK rolling pin but definitely grateful to be recipients of a set of Crown Dart Kubb.

Mention of Crown Darts leads neatly on to people I must thank. Firstly Jesse Brough, whose enthusiasm and assistance before, during and after the event are of immense value to me. The fact that he comes all the way down from Staffordshire speaks volumes. And because so many players already have Kubb sets, he hardly sells any at all.  Secondly thanks to my wife Jane, who took on the role of scorer and chief administrator. I didn't buy her any flowers or anything but I did let her keep a couple of the marker-pens she had been using as a thank you. Her support meant I could get out around the garden and insult/banter with far more people than in previous years. Thirdly Graham and Sonja of the New Inn, for letting us trample their garden and muddy their bar - they know we are keen to return. But most importantly I must thank everybody who came to play or watch - your continued support is much appreciated and I hope you will all be honest enough to tell me when you feel that we should call it a day. And then, but only then, can I stop worrying about the damned weather forecast.

'Sweden' by The Guardian

But if The Guardian delete it, here's the text:

A mini guide to Sweden

  • Tim Dowling
  • The Guardian,
  • Friday May 30 2008

Sweden was once one of the great powers of Europe. In the 17th century the Swedish Empire controlled swaths of what is now Denmark, Norway, Germany, Poland, Finland, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia and Russia. They also briefly possessed an early American colony, New Sweden, which was centred on the Delaware River.

The Swedish population doubled between 1750 and 1850, putting considerable strain on resources. During the 1880s, 1% of the population emigrated to America every year.

In 2005 the Swedish government announced its intention to become the world's first oil-free economy, completely phasing out fossil fuels by 2020. It already uses either nuclear or hydroelectric power to supply virtually all its electricity.

Sweden has a long-standing policy of non-alignment in peacetime and neutrality in wartime. They haven't been directly involved in a war since 1814.

The Swedish language can be understood by Norwegian and Danish speakers.

Average life expectancy in Sweden is 80.63 years, compared with 78.7 years in the UK.

Sweden is now linked to Denmark by the Oresund Bridge, which opened in 2000. The bridge spans the nearly 8km to an artificial island halfway between the two countries. From there a tunnel takes you to the Danish mainland. It costs €36 to get across.

The Nobel prize was established in 1895 by the will of Alfred Nobel, the Swedish inventor of dynamite and the owner of a major armaments concern. The prizes (except for the peace prize, which is presented in Norway) are awarded annually in Stockholm.

The Swedish Nobel laureate Gustav Dalen was awarded the physics prize in 1912 for an automatic solar valve used in lighthouses. He is perhaps better known as the inventor of the Aga cooker.

The Rok Stone, which dates to about 800 AD, is carved on all five sides with the longest runic inscription ever found, and is said to mark the beginning of Swedish literature.

Sweden didn't join the EU until 1995, and it has not adopted the euro. The currency remains the Swedish krona.

All television in Sweden is now digital. They switched off the analogue signal last October.

The Swedish National Day, which commemorates the election of King Gustav Vasa in 1523 and thus the foundation of modern Sweden, is on June 6, which is next Friday.

Sweden has the highest percentage (47%) of women holding seats in national government.

Kubb is a popular Swedish lawn game in which sticks are thrown at wooden blocks. It's a bit like bowls, and a bit like horseshoes, and a bit weirder than that combination might imply. There's a UK Kubb tournament held every year near Bristol, but you missed it. It was three weeks ago.

Sweden has the highest number of McDonald's restaurants per capita in Europe.

Kubb South West Fun Day 2008

There's a phrase of which I'm particularly fond - "It's not the winning that matters, it's the messing about" [Actually the original says "arsing about" not "messing about" but let’s keep it decent]. And on May 10th, it perfectly captured the spirit of the second annual Kubb South West Funday, for which fine weather and the opportunity to settle some grudges from last year's tournament encouraged a superb turnout of nearly 100 players to the Old Station Inn, Hallatrow. 

The field looked magnificent, finely decorated with the Crown Dart’s bunting and professional looking trade tent, jostling for position with the amateurish (but considerably cheaper) KubbUK gazebo that would be put to great use over the next few hours as cover from sunstroke, a real contrast to its role last year as rain shelter. At one stage, it even provided a tying up point for a small dog – luckily nothing sufficiently exciting encouraged him to scamper off as the flimsiness of the gazebo would have been no match for his enthusiasm 

After a brief demonstration game, the first task was to encourage players away from the bar to register. Disgruntled at having their afternoon’s drinking program interrupted, many teams found picking a name tricky, so often used the logo from their clothing as inspiration. This resulted in teams called 'Tokyo 76', 'Super Hi Octane' or 'Banff Wolves' and had the advantage of making identification of teams easier from a distance. Apologies to teams requesting 'Waist 34, Leg 33' or 'Likely to bobble - hand wash only' but I had to draw the line somewhere. My personal favourite names were “Charlie’s Angels”, a group of Temple Cloud ladies so very glamorous that I momentarily thought that Girls Aloud must be playing nearby and had got lost en route. And “The Winners”, presumably an ironic choice, as the team never once came anywhere close to justifying such a name. We were also graced by the presence of last year’s winners, who kindly posed for photos and sold autographs to an admiring public. 

Registration complete (and a few expressions of surprise that entry was free), battle between the 28 teams started. At this stage, let us pause and put this statistic into context. At the beginning of 2007, the number of local people who knew of Kubb could be counted on the fingers of one hand. Here we are, not a year and a half later and we draw this crowd – if this rate continues, it won’t be long before we outgrow our current location and move to The Millennium Stadium, a venue whose closable roof has the advantage of keeping out bad weather but does it have sufficient seating for the fans and groupies ? 

For the first 90 minutes, each team played 3 others of similar standard, trying to ensure that no husbands and wives played against each other – nobody likes a scene at these things. One team complained to me that they had been offered a bribe to lose a match - I don't think it was the morals of the issue that concerned them, just the paucity of the amount available. Eventually 4 teams emerged with 3 wins out of 3 matches, resulting in 2 exciting semi finals and a final between 'Super Hi Octane', a team based around a quartet from Paulmont Rise and 'Clapped Out', a less local trio of novices from Clapton, the losing semi finalists being 'The Power Men' and 'Kickers'. It has to be said that ‘Clapped Out’ had the advantage of match experience – their second game went on for so long that it must have left them mentally boggled, a conclusion I drew from their badly slurred speech. The crowd were heckling magnificently at this stage, the constant barrage of ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaaahs’ making it sound more like a fireworks display than a top sporting event. But after less than 15 minutes, ‘Clapped Out’ won it and the presentation ceremony began. The winners received a trophy so small that it made even The Ashes look impressive and the all important Crown Darts Kubb set. In contrast, ‘Super Hi Octane’ were recipients of the runner’s up trophy, a seven foot high fence post rescued from a skip last winter. Here at KubbUK, we feel that the list of requirements for the prize has been refined over time from 'plain shoddy' to 'made of wood', 'homemade' and 'hopelessly impractical'. The committee has already narrowed down next year’s prize to either an engraved railway sleeper or wardrobe and hereby warns all players who think they may be contenders to make sure you get a roof rack or trailer fitted 

And with that, it was over. Pausing only briefly to cajole younger players into helping to tidy up the Kubb sets, I realised that I had to offer three things - an apology, a request and a thank you. 

Firstly the apology :- To anyone who found me kneeling on the grass and approached me with "I know you're already writing down another result but we've just won our game, we really smashed them. Can you write that down please while simultaneously telling me which team I'm playing next. And when. And where. Oh, and could you get me a Coke please, Dad ? I’ll be sat over there" - if I ever caused offence with a terse "Ok, I've got that, could you come back in 10 minutes please and I'll tell you your next victim", then I apologise. It was hot, I was stressed and regretting leaving my camping table at home. No excuse, I know, but hopefully acceptable to the moral guardians of Temple Cloud and Hallatrow. 

Next, the request. Do we have a Classics scholar to translate my phrase into Latin ? If so, I can make that our motto and have it embroidered onto a blazer and cap badge. For the chance to see me strutting around dressed like that, you’d surely all come back next year, wouldn't you ? 

Finally the thank you. We would never have had the turnout we did without so many players from last year spreading the word so far and wide, encouraging friends to join us in our trivial pursuit. I know the weather was very kind to us, but the truth is that it was you who helped raise the numbers so brilliantly and things can only go from strength to strength with your continued support. Long may you play.

Kubb South West Fun Day 2007

There’s a joke amongst the Kubb playing fraternity that says it’s time to stop playing when the King starts to float. This being England meant we could never rely sufficiently on the weather and this being the 12th of  May at the Old Station Inn, Hallatrow meant that it was the Kubb South West Fun Day that would have to put up with whatever the skies brought us. It did rain, yes, but the good humour of all players and their keen sense of competition meant that, while we did retreat for cover a few times, at no stage did we ever feel the urge to stop. 

After months of hassling and bullying (resulting in me acquiring the nickname ‘Mister Kubb’ in some areas), and latterly pleading & begging, 14 teams of all abilities took part in the competition. This included a group celebrating a birthday and a team called ‘The Useless Tossers’ - whether this is a name chosen by themselves or their opponents, I cannot say. There were also many other hangers on and spectators in attendance to support, taunt & drink. Kicking off with a demonstration at 2:00, each team had to play 3 others, with the most successful taking part in a tense, soggy final. In between matches, players found themselves trying another garden game, the excellent Smite, demonstrated by the makers themselves, all the way up from Cornwall for the day. Also on hand were Viking Kubb, whose discrete whispers of “Psst, wanna buy some Kubb ?” to new addicts means that Temple Cloud must surely now have the highest number of sets per capita in the UK - these converts will undoubtedly help spread the word locally and it can only be a matter of time before the Parish Council twin-towns us with Gotland. 

Approximately 25 tournament matches took place (one lasting well over an hour) on several pistes, with many other ‘friendly’ games springing up in quieter moments. After 2 hours, the final took place between local boys Russell & Craig of ‘Moore Gentle’ and ‘Team Loakes’, a team based around a family with 3 generations of Kubb-playing heritage. The former seemed to have lost their Mojo by this stage (I’m guessing they dropped it on one of their trips to the bar) and appeared unable to even see the Kubbs, let alone actually hit one. Their chances were helped by neither the supportive presence of their wives (also competing as ‘Sweaty Betty’) nor the proud cries of “That’s my Daddy” from their children. Some solid play from the Loakes kept the pressure up, everything seeming to go their way, with one casually thrown baton even glancing the King before toppling a poorly placed Kubb. At this stage, drink fuelled spectators were hoping for ungentlemanly tactics from ‘Moore Gentle’, even suggesting a ‘misthrown’ baton to the opposition’s groin – they were disappointed. In the end ‘Team Loakes’ won it, receiving a Kubb set from TST Toys and a shoddy home-made wooden trophy that is rapidly becoming a trademark of the KubbUK organisation. ‘Moore Gentle’ also received a set, this time from Viking Kubb, and an equally poor trophy. Said Russell “I’ll keep it above my fireplace – I just hope it doesn’t get mistaken for kindling’. The afternoon ended at around 5:30 with a raffle. Firstly another Kubb set, again donated by TST Toys, a Smite set, a Riverford organic vegetable box and a Blacks voucher. My thanks to those companies for their generosity.

I had to return to the venue the next day to look for a lost Kubb piece and it was quite a sad moment - seeing an empty field where just the previous day 60 of us had enjoyed such a good time. Trampled down grass and marks left by the natty green KubbUK gazebo being the only remnants of what had been a great afternoon. So much effort was made by so many people that it seems a tragedy for it to be over so quickly – I am completely indebted to everyone for coming, whether to play, help or spectate. We made some great friends that day and I hope we can all do it again next year.  

Did I ever find my missing Kubb piece ? Sadly not, but hidden in the stinging nettles, precariously close to evidence of the toilet habits of local dogs & foxes, I did find the ‘Moore Gentle’ Mojo, twinkling softly in the morning light.

Hertford Open 2006

21 October, The Bell Benington, Sponsored by Crown Darts

The morning of the first Hertfordshire Open Kubb tournament dawned grey and drizzly, despite a weather report promising cloud with occasional sunshine. The organisers arrived at the venue at 9.30, tasked with the mission of erecting the hospitality gazebo, provided by Coleby’s Catering, mowing the grass and laying out a number of pistes, or pitches to International Kubb standard dimensions.

Faced with relentless driving rain, a malfunctioning mover and a complex gazebo made up of 48 pieces of varying sizes, complete with hand-drawn instructions, organizer Ian and his not terribly keen assistant, Oliver, managed, without much delay, to measure out four pistes – the tent was another matter. It was horribly complicated; we initially built it entirely back to front. In the end it was completed, and managed to stay up for the whole day, despite developing a worrying amount of sagging and leaning towards the centre. The pitches remained unmown, which in retrospect was not ideal.

Poor weather in the days leading up to the tournament prompted a flurry of late cancellations – the official Kubb UK team were unable to attend, along with others from London, Essex, Cambridgeshire and other locations closer to home. In a way, this improved the tournament, as it allowed the organisers to hold longer games and gave beginners longer to get used to the game. 
We laid out four pistes, rather than the original eight we had planned, one of which was used as a shooting gallery, for newcomers to get used to aiming at the Kubbs. A number of locals took the opportunity to use the demonstration sets that had been laid out before the tournament started. An epic women versus men match resulted in a sound trouncing for the embarrassed, red-faced males.

All the teams registered on time, and Neil Wilson of KubbUK.org and the British Kubb Players Association, gave a demonstration match where he explained the finer points of the game. A couple of teams had experience of international play, from their time playing in Finland, so an unusual “Finnish” stacking rule was adopted for the day, whereby returned Field Kubbs that touch each other during the throwing-back process were stacked in doubles, triples or occasionally quadruple towers. There was keen debate about this rule.

The competition used a simple knock out format, with teams eliminated from the first round entering a “plate” competition with a separate prize.

Some of the teams were well prepared for their day – Somerset-based Team Kubbuteo were the best equipped, their matching Burberry/Kath Kidson collapsable seats and Team Kubbuteo hats were widely admired. Teenage boyfriend/girlfriend team Kubb Lunatics from Hertfordshire had a well-thought out Viking helmet theme, and spent much of their time canoodling in the gazebo. A news photographer from the Hertfordshire Mercury was on hand to capture the spirit of the day.

The more experienced players were very helpful in guiding beginners through the intricacies of this complex game. From the beginning, competition was fierce, as teams battled to stay in the main competition. Most of these games took 30 minutes or so, “Wonderkubb’s” epic first round encounter with eventual Open trophy winners “Aarhuus” went on for more than an hour.

The weather held up well and was sunny and warm and our kind hosts at the Bell, Benington, kept the bar open throughout the day, keeping us well fed and watered. As the competition progressed the teams developed their own gamesmanship strategies to unsettle their opponents - most focused on internal bickering, usually between husband and wife, or father and child, although humorous sideline barracking became more of a feature as the tournament progressed.

Both of the semi finals were keenly fought, and the highlight of the day was the match between the Danish-themed “Kaard” team and the Hertford-Welwyn team known as “Kubb”. In a good-natured, but competitive game that could have gone either way, Kaard were eventual winners by a whisker – losing novices Rachel and Ian put on a fine display of accurate tossing. After this, the final was an anticlimax, as the two teams from Royston shared the spoils of the day.

The Plate Competition featured some strong games, and was eventually won by beginners: “WonderKubb” with an aggressive display of stickmanship. 

Our thanks go to everyone who turned up, to play, or watch, to our hosts at the Bell and to Crown Darts who supplied competition sets and our First Prize of a complete “KubbSpel” game. 

We plan a larger competition in April/May 2007. For more details, contact the British Kubb Players Association at www.KubbUK.org. 

Results: 
Hertford Open Champions: Team Aarhus 
Runners up: Team Kaard 
Semi Finalists: Team Kubbuteo, Team Kubb. 

Hertford Open Plate competition 
Winners: Team Kubb 
Runners up: Team Kubb Krap 

Ian Middleton, Tournament Organiser